26
Jun
stored in: Sam's Rant
Hey everybody, this is kind of old news, but it would be unconscionable to let it go without mentioning. I’m referring to our recent shipment of closeout Smartwool socks. Smartwoolsocks are arguably the finest wool socks on the market, with many shocking and mysterious benefits* to boot. All Smartwool products are made from only the most gifted of sheep. Before they are sheared, all Smartwool sheep must pass a rigorous series of tests to gauge aptitude, judgment, reasoning and problem solving skills. If they do not pass they are promptly deported to the Darn Tough or Ibex factories.
Smartwool treats their sheep very well. All wool-producing employees receive a salary of 10,000 pounds of alfalfa per year and two large salt/mineral licks quarterly. Full health and dental with signing, and after four years all sheep are eligible for a profit sharing program and stock options. Smartwool is an equal opportunity employer and at any given time employs no less than 15% of the workforce consist of “black sheep”. After ten years of service, all Smartwool employees can look forward to a plush retirement of green pastures and fresh apples hand fed to them (that last for about a week and then it’s off to the butcher).
*Shocking and mysterious benefits include but are not limited to:
- Increased awareness of the universe
- Decreased perspiration
- Increased strength, speed and agility
- Superior cognitive abilities
- Knowing that you are truly a better person than most people
God Bless and Green Peace,
Sam
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