11
Apr
Who hasn’t dreamed of winning the lottery (other than those who are already unconscionably wealthy)? We all have. We’re all dreamers, and we’re not the only ones. But what would you really do with that situation?
Dump it all into a charity?
Build a giant swimming pool with platinum diving boards and fill it with Congnac?
Buy a couple of elephants and use them for backyard jousting?
Buy the Oakland Raiders and make them all wear pink leotards, no pads, and giant foam helmets that look like the heads of teletubbies?
Or, would you just say good riddance to it all, make like Kerouac, and start hopping trains?… You would wouldn’t you? Of course you would…of course you would.
However, the life of a vagabond can be a treacherous and dire one indeed. A few crucial tools are advisable before saying goodbye to the “civilized” world:
Guns, knives, gats and bats are all recommended, as is a respectable stash of economically efficient booze and tobacco. Unfortunately, we do not sell those things here at the WildyX, because they do not coincide with our mission statement.
Here are a few vagabond essentials that can be found here at the WildyX at hobo-friendly prices:
-Markill DEVIL Stove (Closeouts) – This little devil is practically a flame-thrower (better for cooking beans than fending off yard bulls).
-Markill PEAK IGNITION Stove (Closeouts) – Super lightweight for vagrants looking to shave ounces. Be the envy of everyone in your boxcar!!
-Therm-A-Rest BASECAMP (Blems) – While everyone else is creating nappy little nest out of whatever hogwash they can find, you’ll be rolling out your cushy new Therm-A-Rest with a well founded smugness.
-MSR SWEET WATER PURIFIER SYSTEM (SMU) – A man can’t live on bag-wine alone (trust me on this). WATER IS LIFE.
-MSR BlackLite Classic Cookset – Integral for advanced hobo cuisine such as raccoon soup.
-A new pack!!! - Your pack will be your companion and one true friend out there on the road. We have so many great deals it would be unscrupulous to recommend just one. Here, look at THEM ALL!!!!!!!
-Western Mountaineering sleeping bags! – Even vagrants have to splurge once in a while.
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains there’s a land that’s fair and bright
Where the handouts grow on bushes and you sleep out every night
Where the boxcars are all empty and the sun shines every day
On the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees
Where the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
Where the handouts grow on bushes and you sleep out every night
Where the boxcars are all empty and the sun shines every day
On the birds and the bees and the cigarette trees
Where the lemonade springs where the bluebird sings
In the Big Rock Candy Mountains
-A true American
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
