These are suspiciously good deals…
Here’s my theory: One night Don was looking at numbers and sharpening his pocket knife, debating who should be shived over the frightening figures. Our fearless leader had trouble sleeping that night. He kept tossing and turning, rolling over in his mind all the wows of his business and of the world.
Then all at once his mind shifted, a synapse in his brain that had been blocked for years suddenly became unclogged and his central nervous system was flooded with all kinds of dopamine and serotonin and neat stuff like that. Within seconds our fearless leader knew what had to be done. He jumped out of bed, slapped him self in the face three times fast, blended up some questionable concoction of espresso, yerba mate, and legal amphetamines. He injected this cocktail directly into his eyeball; “game on!” he thought to himself.
Feeling more than excellent now than ever before, our fearless leader whipped out his archaic flip-phone and called Bobbi Bensman (our rep for Mammut, Salomon, and several other less notable companies). Bensman answered; she sounded confused, annoyed, but unmistakably intrigued. Our fearless leader began spiting crazy outdoor industry game to Bobbi at the speed of light. Bensman was surprisingly receptive, “It’s all gonna be OK Don, I’ll be right over.”
Bensman arrived at Don’s plush residence in Boulder about an hour later, as the first rays of sun illuminated our fearless leader pacing frantically in his driveway. Bobbi got out of her car and gave Don a valium and a hug.
Three hours, and four pots of coffee later, action had been taken, deals had been made, orders had been placed and dreams had come true. Our fearless leader felt much better. He took the rest of the day off and slept the sleep of the righteous hustler.
Here are the results of ruthless networking and string pulling:
-Mammut TUSK Superdry 9.8mm 70M Rope – bad-arse rope! It really is. It even has a middle marker. @ 169.95 this may very well be the best value rope anywhere
-Mammut SERENITY 8.9mm X 70M SUPERDRY Rope – pretty skinny alright – and now the price is too!
-Mammut GALAXY DUODESS 10mm X 60m SUPER-DRY Rope – Our fearless leader snagged one of these.
-Mammut ELEMENT KEYLOCK QUICKDRAW SET – super nice draws. $60 for five keylock draws – that’s what dreams are made of.
-Mammut 16mm NYLON SLINGS – these are the old red/white/blue pattern. Climbing with these slings is more patriotic than driving around in an F350 with a lift, eating apple pie, chasing it with Budweiser and shooting guns out the window.
-Mammut 8mm Dyneema Contact Slings – so this one is weird; they are red and they are 120cm, usually the red ones are 180cm – that’s probably why we are selling them for $9.95.
Climb hard and sleep easy,
SB
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